Highs and highers

I hit 'stop' and then  'open' and the doors to the lift open to reveal a bare brick wall in between floors. This is the hardest bit, not laughing our heads off right now, holding it in and keeping it cool as the poor 'victim' of Stokes' and my lift prank get the full works. I close the door again and send us up on our way to their desired floor, usually stopping at the one below or above to complete the illusion that the lift is in fact broken and that there are not two sniggering, snorting, shaking with the hilarity of it all teenagers just a few feet above, sitting on top of the lift after breaking into the shaft and controlling everything with the emergency buttons! 

It's the funniest thing in the world to us at the time as we can hear and catch glimpses of the confused and bewildered lift passengers. Some of the conversations are priceless although we do ease off and get the passenger to their destination floor if they get too freaked out!

It's got to be 1988, so I'm 15, I'm at Campion high school (occasionally) and my best buddy/adopted brother and me are having a wail of a time. We're living in a council flat in Lillington, Leamington Spa and it's we because Stokes has again been kicked out by his parents and so he's here for now, until further notice. The flat is Ashton Court and sits as the first point of a triangle of high rise council blocks with ours and Southern court being the smaller blocks and the 15 storey Eden court dominating the skyline.

Ashton and Southern left, Eden right.

From here it's a 2 mile walk to school, it's no wonder I didn't get there too often! It is though only a lift ride to the top floor and we've broken the seal that leads out onto the roof and also gives access to the lift shaft. It's a fascinating place to be though and the workings inside are something to behold. I love the way the weights fly up as you go down and come zooming past again, never far from decapitating you, as you come back up. It's a double lift shaft running up through the building and we are the masters of control. Practicing our moves until they are so smooth we think that no one will ever suspect. 

We came up first on a windy day. This is back when I didn't have a fear of heights, there was a 10 year or so period when I could take on any height. The lift shaft hut was right there in front of us, inviting us to take a look and I don't think it was even locked so we just went in and watched the 2 lifts running up and down, the weights counter balancing. We soon got a feel for how it all worked and confidence grew. It's far from a safe environment for teenagers but we didn't just charge in, always better to suss it out first as to be fair, it was pretty scary. 

Then, of course, it developed. There's about 3-4 foot to spare at the top of a lift shaft when the carrier reaches the top, we watch it ride all the way up at least 5 times to be sure but still nearly shit ourselves the first time we sit on it and it comes all the way up. A little practice with the controls when the lift was empty and sat in silence when it had passengers. As soon as we knew what we were doing though we let the fun commence, and it is funny, even now at 40 i still think it was a great prank! 

There was a time when a guy waited for us, stalking the roof exit till he saw us climbing down and chasing us off and out of the building so we were obviously not 'that' quiet! Next time you're in a lift and it starts playing up you might just have found out why!!

I can't stand heights now, I wince at the thought! I couldn't when I was younger either, I remember hassling my Dad for ages and ages to go to Alton towers and go on the roller coaster, getting there and taking one look at it and then bursting into tears "no way am I going on that"! 

Right now though, in this time of lift chaos, heights are great fun. We originally came up because it was really windy and if we lifted our coats up over our heads, arms aloft so that the back of them formed a kind of sail we would see how far the wind would blow us, competing for the best bit of 'dragging'... I know, 10 stories up!! 

The games develops though as we look across to Eden court, the big daddy of the 3 and we resolve to have a crack at getting on top of that one. And then it becomes a challenge to get onto any roof, anywhere and anytime. It's quite remarkable how crap security is for roofs. Generally there's just a rusty old padlock that with one quick snap using a screwdriver or any strong bit of metal that fits through the gap will easily give way. 

About 8 years after this me and Stokes got pissed up in Harlech and took on the challenge of the castle, making it up to the highest tower after a colossal struggle with a stubborn padlock, mind you we only had rocks for that one! I'm pretty sure if we got drunk together tomorrow there'd be a challenge put down and we'd start looking around for things to climb!

Gang Warfare Part One

"What's the story with the Madoc's"? Sergeant O' Leary is asking at the meeting of minds in North Wales Police's HQ, Colwyn Bay. "There's a new guy in place, we don't know much about him but no local connections, no record. We popped down to say hello over the weekend and he seems genuine, if not a bit cock sure of himself", WPC Shaw tells him. She's the 'community face' of the force and gets sent out to make friends and encourage the theory that the police do care about local businesses. 

"Find out more on him, and see if you can work out whose side he's going to be on" O'Leary orders. The meeting rumbles on with the big brash Irishman at his booming best. He's just got rid of the previous landlord of the Madoc's (The Prince Madoc pub that is) without much of a fuss so he's on top form. He likes to keep his streets as tidy as possible and late night revelry is not his idea of what is acceptable in his town. He's been here for five years now, charged with the mission to clean up the image of the town housing the force's headquarters. He demands respect, demands it and expects it with his regimental and doggedly focused style of leadership.  O'Leary's not keen on the unknown though, he likes to know, likes to have the inside scoop on who's where and what they are are doing, have done and are likely to do. He's going to make Inspector in the next couple of years, he's sure of it, but he's got to get this town in order first.

North Wales Police HQ

The Prince Madoc is one of his biggest headaches in the town. It's used by the local biker gang, the 'Outlaws' and he wants them the hell out of his town. They have there own clubhouse, as they are the real deal. They are listed at 8th in the list of organised gangs in the world, and it's a big old world! But they like the Prince Madoc and have always frequented it for big meets and for sociable local get-togethers. Ideally he'd close all of the pubs in town but obviously he's not allowed to go that far in one swoop so he squeezes them instead, nothing illegal but an awful lot unethical. Little decisions filtering down through licensing and little rule changes here and there that slowly, bit by bit make it harder and harder for the licensees to continue trading in his town.

O'Learly really has a problem with the Outlaws being based here though and knows that getting rid is his ultimate goal. It's not that they cause any trouble, because by and large they don't, in fact they actively discourage any trouble when out in force through their presence alone. It's the fact that they have followers, they have respect and they have a fear factor about them which is unacceptable to him. The only gang he wants the locals to respect is his, the only fear he wants is a law abiding one which involves fearing his uniform. The fact of the matter is that the Outlaws are stepping on his toes, their gang is not as big as his gang and they are not going to get along. This town just ain't big enough for the both of them.

So in a perfect world sergeant O'Leary wants the new man at the Madoc's to be on his side, to be anti biker gang and pro police. Unfortunately for him the new man at the Madoc's is me. I've just walked into this minefield, this war zone with absolutely no idea that it's raging. I'm not anti biker gang, or anti anybody at all really. I meet people and form a judgement of them based on what I think of them, pretty much regardless of reputation. 

I've been sent here because my area manager really isn't happy with the performance of the place. It should be trading a lot better and I'm the current go to guy. Enterprise inns have been sending me into shithole pubs for a few years now, getting me to improve the sales and hopefully the image of the place so that they are able to sell or lease them. 

There was a list of 56 pubs in the portfolio back when I got sent on my first manager placement in Plymouth 2 years ago. There were 17 fights in my first weekend at the Abbots Way on Southway and only 2 more over the next 12 months. It's not that I'm in any way a tough guy, far from it! But I can talk, and I can persuade and with decent people I can manage quite well. This gained me a great reputation for a while as a guy you can send into any pub to get it back on its feet. I'm not sure I deserved it but I definitely traded on it when dealing with my superiors at Enterprise.

Out of those 56 pubs there's now 11 left. I've been in London for the last 4 months, managing the Railway in Edgware, such a great building but sadly in need of massive repair, and the turnover there went from zero to mental, I only wish the sale had taken longer as I was earning great bonuses! But the deal gets done and my next stop is North Wales with a brief (far too brief!) explanation of the pub I'm taking over.

The Prince Madoc is not for sale, they are planning on leasing it, and my area manager wants me to take it on as figures wise he reckons it is my best chance of making a go of one of his depleted stock. I have a young Cade to think of and a Baby on the way and need to settle now, moving every three months just won't cut it anymore. I've had a sit down with my boss and explained. So here I am, early in 2007, and it's hello sunny Colwyn bay. 

The Prince Madoc, Colwyn Bay.

7 legends, a road trip, some snow, an island, a poem and me.

Got a little bit of a cheat blog here, it's a poem i wrote after the road trip of all road trips 10 year ago. You couldn't script it better if you tried. Originally planned as an excursion with an open invite to all the ex pats in Cheonan, where we all taught, the three girls pulled out at the last minute and left it as a boys only trip. Here's the cast:

William Mulligan:  'Wild Bill' the nicest American a guy could call a friend, still living in Korea, still teaching English and now married with son.
Sam Downe: True English gentleman in every way, married with a new baby, now teaching Maths in Swindon, England. 
Eoin Kierans: Can't think of this Irish horsebox without a smile forming, also with a new baby now, getting married soon and lives and works in Dublin.
Michael Saxe: The Saxe machine! Great dry sense of humour and another top guy to hang with he's now home in Toronta working as a kind of business consultant.
Alan Casey: 'Big Al' another of the Irish contingent, top bloke who tried his best to keep me on the straight and narrow and what fun we had! Now married and back in Dublin working.
Douglas Baard: Doug hated me before he met me purely by reputation! Turned out to be one of the best drinking buddies I have! Canadian, now also back home, working and married.
Cade Ferguson: 'The Canadian cowboy' any bar, any room, anywhere... this guy never left without becoming your friend! back on the ranch now in Moose Jaw, Canadia!

It's the worst weather imaginable with a blizzard blowing and the roads completely iced over during a typically harsh Korean winter and we are determined to get to the Island of Jeju off the South coast of Korea. We don't have a sat nav, just my natural taxi driving instincts and a wing and a prayer. I remember trying to brake at a junction and the big old 'Spasex' we were driving just locked up and shot through regardless!

It's the 10 year anniversary of this trip coming up, hence the idea, this was written in four parts and poetically it's probably not the best! There's a lot of cryptic references and a some Korea knowledge is probably needed but I hope it's enjoyable as a read, and if it's not I put more pictures in than usual!!

The ex pat girls of Cheonan were probably right, it was a stupid thing to do. Sometimes though, the stupid things are the most fun!


Part One: The Journey Down 

We gathered late, at Mikes request,
Or bags were packed, Dougs' with vests,
The Spasex purred and excitement grew,
12 o'clock (ish) and off we flew.
The late news was that of eleven,
our crowd had dwindled to one more than seven,
But with Eoin predicting a three hour jaunt,
with depleted crowd we set off to port,
all was well and beer was drunk,
piss stops a many, as more was sunk.

The navigator, and the crappy little map,
were to invoke the first mishap,
whilst cruising, singing and (obviously) drinking too,
we ended up after two hours in Daegu!
The snow now falling and the roads not great,
the mood subdued as it got a little late,
the road numbers mystified so we got the 77,
my lucky number but no luck, just more whiteness from the heavens,
we slipped and we slided, back onto the highway,
time ticking away as we searched for the right way.

Tiredness now, was affecting our pilot,
20 hours of driving after kids to the airport,
But undaunted, our little crowd we did find,
The City of Yeosu was now in our sight,
time ticking and realisation was soon to be cruel,
we arrived an hour late and the ferry we blew,
curses and plans, all thinking where to go,
then Sam and Big Al' came up with Mokpo!
With 5 hours to get there, we were feeling secure,
But weather and fate made it all so unsure,
red lights were ignored and ice was slid through,
even as we got to Mokpo, we thought it a no,
the ferry though was still in the bay,
'thank fuck i can rest now', Roy was heard to say.

Still it seemed doomed with a storm coming in,
but we sailed and relaxed with cards and more drink,
Into Jeju we got, a mere 22 hours after departure,
what's ahead you wont know, till i write up a part two!! 

Boarding

Part 2: The Island Takeover Bid... 

The ferry pulled into port:

We rocked and rolled as wild winds they blew,
the weather so bad, even affecting the crew,
plates crashed, pots smashed and yet we were there,
off to the van that was just down the stairs,
excitement high as at only 9 o'clock,
a whole lotta beer could still well be got.



Snag 2; a brief backround needed:
As we boarded this ferry passport checks completed,
we were told that our ticket was all we required,
fee payed, job done? no, not as it conspired,
I tried to drive off but the man wouldn't let me!
"More money" he demanded, pay again to be set free,
"oh no" i explain, "we payed all in Mokpo",
they assured us 8 people and a car was payed so,
"Mokpo mistake, let us go now", i plead,
but this man's nearly crying "give me money pleeeaase"!

My anger is rising: "Get the fuck out my way",
"We're not going to pay, WE ARE NOT GOING TO PAY!"
He calls in reserves and a crowd starts to gather,
"just let us go boys, why all of this bother",
"Not your mistake, not my mistake, mistake made in Mokpo"
But this man's not convinced and strolls off round the dock now.
Conferences and discussion, we'll pay 50%,
but this man wants the full whack, on that he''s hell bent,
after an hour and a bit the police they arrive,
more discussions with cigarette boxes to explain i strive,
but now we're in shit as he closes the door,
okay, we'll pay, we back down and finally touch shore!

It's off to find a hotel, the first one we see,
kae bae bo for the rooms as we're split 2, 3, 3,
a rest and a laugh as we chill for a bit,
then off to meet Edward in Bulldog bar we sit,
free beer, free jack, thanks and smiles all round,
this place is great, these people are sound,
it closes, we leave and it's off for a pool night,
an impromptu world cup with lots of cafri and some hite.

Team England discuss tactics

Canidiots, South Africans, England, and Ireland,
battle to the death and we're all feeling grand,
as the pressure mounts and more beers are consumed,
England crumble at the last to the joy of the room,
Alan and Eoin are crowned as the champs, and rightly so!
We're finished, we're tired, off to bed now we should go!

Eoin modestly celebrates an Ireland win

But to check out the night life is the general consensus,
To the night club we head, without much of a fuss,
who's there? no-one! well the bouncers and us!
Back towards base and it's food we discuss,
Bill's in bed, we're all wrecked but a great day was had,
it's off via ransack of local shops, are we that bad?
to bed, day done, a lotta fun, part two it will end here,

stayed tuned while i think up part three of the adventure...

our hotel

Part 3: Thursday 

So it's Thursday morning and the gang's all together,
Eating Big macs and discussin' the weather,
We're off exploring this pretty Jeju place,
it's the last day of beauty for poor old Eoins face!

Maccy d's

Inside with (from left) Sam, Eoin, Cade, Doug, Me and Bill.

The maze it amazes, Doug charges through,
Roy comes in as a poor number two,
we ring some bells and throw some snow,
then off to walk through caves we go,
A massive cave, cheonanesque in style,
lights go off as we walk for miles.

At the end of the cave

We saw a beach and played on a ferry,
bought souvenirs and everyone's merry.

The beach with (from left) Mike, Eoin, Cade, Big Al and Sam.

Then darkness descends and we head to our peril,
after washing and resting it's off to meet Beryl,
all in good form, some of us feeling like film stars,
cocktails with jack and beer drunk by the jars,
the barmaids are cute and drinking is deadly,
all laughs and fun with a happy birthday medley,
The big 25 for Doug, congrats and "I love you"?
But with time moving on we wish all a polite adieu,
Cade's off to the Jacks for his 'secret' puke,
Stomach empty and his revival no fluke!

Beryl bar

Whilst heading to Tom's we pinch asses and rearrange signs,
it's all good fun though and the nights going fine,
then, and i'm sorry, but the whole night gets a bit hazy,
a brief rundown of events that might seem amazing:
There was passport control, car rides and snow kicking,
Bloody Eoin decked whilst with Mike he was bickering,
Roy as the taxi driver and Alan getting a beating,
Hospital visits made and dodgy food eaten,
Drinking games played, no names or you drink,
"John" says Cade as the rest of us think.

Don't mess with Mike!

Then the police being called and downstairs all wrecked,
Doug and Bill pissed at those cross border checks,
all in all an epic, even a woman in the lobby,
the 5th floor was visited, drinking's such a great hobby!
it's 8am once more as i stumble for my door,
my knees not as bad as Sam's, he's really feeling sore,
that was Thursday, now it's not, i'll leave u wanting more,
needless to say, i'll soon be writing 'Jeju do' part 4......


Part Four: Closing time

Friday day was slow and dreary,
most checked out though Roy kept sleeping,
Fun and games at the fairground had,
Stop the ride please, Bill's feeling bad,
to the pool hall again, and who's the jeju man?
winning still, it must be Sam!
From the pool hall we head off into the Sky,
2 hours later we're still wondering why!
Will Alan ever get a meal?
at 30 grand it was a steal!!

Sky restaurant

From Sky once more we go and visit Beryl,
many of us still feeling a little bit sterile,
Long islands were drank and many were kissed,
and once again we're getting pissed,
Eoin's just so bloody funny,

if you didn't laugh you'd ask for your "mummy"!

Once more we wonder the Jeju streets,

as more is drank the mood gets more upbeat,

we go to Texas, break some boards,
then gang depleted head for more,
'two thousand and two' the nightclub's named,
for dancing and not for its' service it's famed,
we get thrown out of there at least six times,
the dancing comp enter and try to shine,
Cade to the rescue as they carry Roy out,
his back's still fucked from that little bout,
Eoin has a kip as we play and we jostle,
fair play to those bouncers, they're not short on bottle!

Do you mind leaving please sir... 

Then disaster strikes as we collect our jackets,
Roy's is not there and car keys are in the pockets,
Eoin wakes up and vows to save the day,
but it's gone and we're stuck with more money to pay,
mobile and house keys are all in it too,
The police take our names but what can they do.

As it happens our ferry was not until late,
so sleep and new keys but we're not feeling great,
The ferry we board with adventures behind us,
fun had we retell the stories to keep,
but this ferry is rocking so wildly we try and sleep,
unbelievable waves, is this boat going to make it?
It does, only just as we struggle for a bit,
all feelin' rough as Sam had to puke,
that we made it at all was surely a fluke.

The Ferry home

We find a jewel at the port and "honey"'s a plenty,
the way back still snowy, but all nice and steady,
Cheonan is sighted, the roads are all clear,
one by one to their beds and it's great to be here!
The Jeju eight are back and not at all passive,
Thank god for those boys of the Cheonan maaassssiiive!!!